As a teenager, I would write letters to my mum whenever I felt like I needed to communicate to her about something that was bothering me. It was the best way for me to fully and comfortable express myself. She would always write back, pushing her responses under my bedroom door or just leaving them in the open vicinity in my room for me to find. She’d do her best to always respond. It was effective; we understood each other, resolved issues and it helped us avoid teary confrontations, saying things we did not mean and all.
A few years into campus I started a blog. It was my safe space; an avenue for me to express myself, especially whenever I felt sad, low, angry or just plain-old crappy. Every time I had a note-worthy experience like a heartbreak, a great class, or some self-esteem drain, I would run to Unbroken Noodles and type my heart away. It kept me centered and calm. As a result, I didn’t really care who was reading my content; I was my number one audience. My own therapist.
I enjoyed blogging. I would often laugh at my own posts, and every day I strived to improve my writing. However, somewhere along the way, I started to feel pressured to increase my audience reach, na tamaa ya pesa ikaniingia. I got the feeling that I could hack this blogging thing, become the next Biko and make tonnes of money. I wanted to be rich, as soon as possible and so off I went, doing sponsored posts on social media, opening Facebook pages and strongly sharing my content with my contacts on Whatsapp. But there was no significant push towards my making money drive.
Then came the wave of YouTube and vlogging, with a whole new flock of gurus and influencers and I was just like, “Fuck it. My content is old and obsolete. No one reads blogs anymore, and I am not even good enough at it. I mean I can write, but I cannot hold a candle to KLM’s or PQR’s posts. It’s all about the videos now. So fuck it!”
I stopped. Well, I didn’t really stop. I have done a tonne of drafts, but the zeal is gone. And I hadn’t realized why, until I started writing this post. I lost the plot. Forgot why I started doing this in the first place and started comparing myself to other renown players in the field. I stopped doing it for me and began worrying about how quick I would start making money from all this typing, posting and sharing I was doing.
Anyway, I am glad to be back here, because it reminds me that my blog is my sounding board, my reasoning buddy that makes me see the light. And even though I am still trying to find my way back on here, I am trying to keep reminding myself of these principles:
1. Do it for yourself. If you keep looking out at what others want and like, you will bow to the immense pressure of trying to impress a tonne of people who probably don’t give two shits about what you are doing. Whether it’s hitting the gym, starting a business, going back to school, getting into a relationship or out of one…do it for yourself. Do not let anyone make you feel pressured to do anything you do not want to do.
2. Do it for your passion, not for the money. Once you are driven by money, your doom looms lower than ever. You will burn out and start hating that venture you really thought would be your business class ticket to riches.
3. Do stay focused and consistent. That coming from me, seems a bit hypocritical, all things considered. Consistency hasn’t exactly been my strong suit, my last post was in April and it was a taking stock post; the easiest of all blog posts. I hardly ever see to completion any project I set out to do and I am as lazy as they come. Still, I am learning that staying focused on your objective, and true to why you set out to do what you do is the way to go.
4. Do invest in yourself. Make time for your passions. Make time to do a course and gain a new skill. Make time to develop a new hobby. Read. Travel and make memories. There is more to life than our 9 to 5’s.
Remember, every flower blooms in its own time. Don’t rush yourself.