Dear Lecturer,

I can’t quite remember how you look like because I have only seen you twice; once when you made a 10-minute technical appearance in class when we first reported to school, and the other time you were on TV,with your fellow learned colleagues, bellowing ‘Solidarity Forever’ chants, demanding that the government addresses your grievances.

I can’t remember your name either,you didn’t quite give us an appropriate introduction. I was looking forward to getting to hear it again during the next class, but you didn’t show up. Apparently the daughter of the aunt to the sister of the niece to your great great grandmother, had just finished nursery school and was graduating into class 1. So you wouldn’t miss the ceremony for anything in the world.

You finally showed up on week 4 and it was good to see your name written on the course outline you gave us. But lecturer, surely you didn’t have to put so much effort into reading for us, word for word, the content of the handout we all had. By God, if that was the case, we would have stayed in our rooms and done the reading on our own. We are after all the smart, bright leaders of tomorrow.

Week 5 was okay. You were out of town but you sent us a younger, better version of yourself. He was quite something. That was the first time I got to understand what some topics were all about. I was really enjoying the class,until his youthful agility guided him into giving us a pop-up quiz on topics past. Never in my life have I had to stretch my neck so far to be able to outsource answers. If only you applied the strictness with which he invigilated us with in the test, to teaching us…I would not be on the verge of breaking my neck, disgracing the A I so gracefully got.

It’s now 6 weeks since we begun this semester. Still, I have to use a wet finger to open the pages of my A4 book because they are so clean. Blank. I am seated in this lecture hall, waiting for your arrival, listening to the class rep announcing that a CAT is due next week. Dear lecturer,unless you will be examining us on why Uhuru Kenyatta cannot be Joho’s wife, I suggest that you carry forward that CAT till we have some meaningful content in our heads.

ION, I really love your new 2017 Bentley Bentayga. I hear it is not even out in the market yet, and is the only one of its kind in Kenya right now. My sister is getting married this weekend and we were both wondering if you could lend it to us for the big day?

A serious, focused student.

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